The Center of God's Will

Psalm 40:8 "I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart."

It's 12:37 AM. I'm sitting at my computer, staring at the screen, wondering how to explain all the thoughts that are racing through my mind. The last month has gone by so quickly I feel like I've barely had a chance to think and sort through all the thoughts in my mind.

I went on a walk today, hoping to get some clarity of mind, but all I could see was a packing/to-do list scrolling through my mind. So this is an attempt to sort through everything in my head. Writing it out always helps me.

I've told people some details about the school that I am planning on attending and I've received various reactions from people. Some people think it's weird that I won't have internet access while I'm there. Some people think it's weird that I won't be able to date while I'm there for the next three years. So I just want to write out my thoughts about the school where God has called me to attend.

When I was twelve, I fell in love with the state of Texas. But it wasn't just that I thought the state was

Sunsets at Bible School

beautiful, I fell in love with a little Bible school nestled in Central Texas Hill Country. All of my older siblings went to this Bible school and so I got to visit several times throughout my teen years.

This Bible school is very small. About thirty students attend this school, so the atmosphere is very much like that of family and community.

But what struck me about this school was the devotion and the passion I saw in the students. These were some of the godliest and most committed young people I had ever come across. They devoted hours every week to studying and meditating on God's word and prayer. But what I noticed about this group of students is that their eyes shone with joy, their souls burned with truth and their hearts were full of God's love. They weren't boring. They weren't dull. They weren't locked away in closets studying all hours of the day and night. They were so in love with Jesus Christ that it wasn't a chore for them to read their Bible, it wasn't work to meditate on scripture, it wasn't tedious to do Bible study. They had learned the secret that if they died to themselves, Christ in all of His beauty and glory would come and dwell within them. They weren't perfect angels, but they knew that they had a perfect God who was still working on them.

The environment there is unlike any other that I have ever experienced. There is a light about this place and peace. Part of what provides this almost surreal environment is the limits that are placed on outside distractions. There are rules put in place during the semester to limit the distractions of internet, tv, etc. but it is so beautiful to go to a place where seeking God is more unhindered and there are less distractions calling your name. It's okay to have a period of your life where you have solid rules set in place that help you to spend more hours with the Lord.

And now, I find myself preparing to attend this college for myself. I don't care if people think it's weird and has weird rules. I don't care if people think that no-internet is a bit extreme. It's fine if people think the rules are strict. Strict rules are sometimes good for you. And I know that God is going to use this next chapter in my journey so much. I've seen how it's changed my siblings and how it's changed the lives of my friends who have attended there.

I'm okay with the fact that I'm not allowed to date for the next three years. I can just spend that time focusing on my relationship with God. That's okay with me. I can wait.

I'm okay with the fact that I won't have internet connection and unlimited phone time. There is a time and a place for drawing aside to seek God with less distractions and a greater focus. The internet has a lot of good things to offer, but as we all know, it can be easy to wast time too. So I'm fine with the fact that I won't have internet access because I'll be more motivated to work on studying the Bible and I'll have more time to spend in prayer.

There are many godly people in the Bible like Elijah or John the Baptist or even Jesus who spent time alone with God in the middle of a bare wilderness with no distractions, just their Creator. And God still provides "wildernesses" or periods of set apart time for us to spend time with God. Wildernesses are not the most fun places to be, they can be difficult and wearisome, but God still gives joy and He draws near in those times. This school is in the middle of literal wilderness and I feel so incredibly blessed that God is giving me several years to slow down the pace of this crazy world and go off to the "wilderness" to seek Him. My God is so good to give me this special set apart time just to listen to His voice and to learn.

So I don't know if my mind is any less jumbled, but one thing is clear: I have never heard God's voice so clear and without a doubt as I did when I was told that this was the place I was to go to school.

So sure, school is grueling. I'm going to have to learn how to die to myself more and more, and that won't be comfortable. But I feel peace knowing that I am at the center of God's will.

"Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass." (Psalm 37:3-7)